TR KNOLES

For those of you who don’t know me, which is probably most, I thrive on doing things that are shocking. It’s one of the few character traits that has lasted. Mostly I like to shock myself and see how far I can go out of the box with no return while physically not alluding to this behavior. A paradox.

A little background information. I will make it brief so you understand where I am headed and why I would love for you to join my ride.

Almost four years (2008) I was living a completely different life than the one I am living now. I resided in LA, was dating but never serious, had my own fitness business, an acting agent, etc., but more importantly I had a profoundly spiritually guided year. It was all about expressing myself, doing the things I desired yet completely feared, turning inward, letting go and listening. I was focused and on a mission to change everything that was the ever repeating known in my life. I was obsessed with testing the principle of “intuition->action”(meaning information comes, not allowed to even think beyond first thought and go straight into movement), “divine will over human/ego will” (the difference between making a goal list of having an Oscar, million bucks, killer career, house in Malibu, a soulmate and knowing your timing in the universe while fully taking your instructions) and faith (basically saying, “F*#% it, I am doing this!” fearlessly). Mind you I had a very strong meditation practice that I had established for a couple years prior as well as yoga and hiking. I was aligning with the highest self.

With that said it landed me into a life that was far from the one I was creating in my head. Divine will is a funny thing cause it’s NOTHING that the human/ego will is trying to manifest. Perhaps that comes later when you become more in tune with it all? Perhaps you actually start realizing that everything is already manifested and you are just becoming conscious of it? That is what I believe at this stage in my life. You are constantly evolving into a higher state of consciousness thus becoming more aware of what is always been right there in front of you. All we can do in the moment is basically report on our own state of consciousness.

I digress. Moving forward. My turning of events or as some astrologers told me my Saturn returning is actually quite fascinating when I tell in detail but today I will spare you. In November of 2008 my whole life changed. I all of a sudden found a man that didn’t bore me after 3 wks, moved to Flagstaff, Az (What?), conceived a child (that I had be divinely guide to/another story), acquired four step children, shut my business down, left my acting agency, put all my stuff in storage (which is still there), the lease on my car ended, etc. You get the point. My life changed dramatically and shockingly to those who loved/cared about me. I am pretty sure they thought I went insane. Little did they know the unbelievable spiritual experiences of knowingness I was having. Although I must confess my ego thought I had definitely gone coo, coo.

I had to learn quick but really I was polishing my adaptation skills and the universe was saying, “You asked for this. You said you’d give up your human will for divine will.” My new environment was as foreign as you could possibly get. I was a mother to 5! I had just turned 30 and lived by myself for over a decade. Oddly enough I applied everything I ever learned from being a athlete and working with clients to help me adjust as well as meditating religiously twice a day.

That first year I spent in a lot of silence and observation while I watched my body expand in ways I never ever wanted to imagine. I was a fitness professional. We fear anything that is not a muscle. My days of working out were turning into a faint idea and the ever repeating known had now become the absolute unknown.

My first trip pregnant was to India. Not sure what I was thinking? Remember, “intuition->action”, oh yeah, I was not thinking. I was in the flow and all I could do was witness. India is a powerful place of bringing the past into the now and obviously supporting enlightenment. So, I shut up and observed.

I gave birth to my beautiful son (August 28, 2009). That was it for me. He became the center of my universe. This amazing soul chose me to be his mother and what an honor it has been. I jumped into the deep end of domestic life.

I have traveled the world with my son, my husband and family. I have taken on a new identity and let go of all that I know. I surrendered.

Now 2012. New is ringing in my ears. Independence is shining its light on me. An inner voice has instructed me that it time to move forward and expand. It is time for my son to know me as something more than his mommy. It is important that I lead him by example and show him what is possible. It’s time.

I am off to India in four weeks. This will be my third time going. The first was with child in womb, second was with child and third is for me. An epic journey waits ahead for me. I am being ushered into a phase transition. The beautiful unknown.

I will be flying into New Delhi, meeting a group of fourteen people that will be lead by my friend, Anand Mehrotra, who is a true Indian master into the Himalayas on motorcycles. We are headed to four sacred peaks all being in altitude higher than 13,000 ft. One reaching 17,000 ft. Amazing.

Who knows the breakthroughs I will experience or how my pilgrimage will transpire? It is the freedom that I desire. The beauty. Embracing the fear and transcending it. Facing myself.

The journey started the moment I said, “Yes”. There is the pre-trip experience to be had while living your everyday life. This adventure has launched me back into the fitness realm. I am altitude training and whatever else becomes relevant. This is the purpose of this blog. It is my intention to document my experience, transformation, thoughts, pictures, etc. Really with no format. I am following charm.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Blessings and love,

T.R. Knoles