Spirituality | TR KNOLES

A warrior does not function “in” anger and fear with the idea of destroying anything that comes in their way. They work “through” the “anger energy” transmuting it and using that flow positively. A true warrior is wise and looks for peace first. A true warrior finds grace, honor, wisdom, seeing the big picture, is not reactive but responsive, highly intuitive and fierce.

A women who is goddess warrior uses her Shakti power. She represents immense female power, focus and strength. She knows her power and does not need validation or approval. She is deeply Self-respecting, intuitive and represents the end of Self-Denial and Self- Sabotage. She is deeply balanced, courageous and claws through layers to pierce through “stories” and dharma.

I believe when most are saying they are a warrior they not encompassing what I am speaking about. They are functioning in anger, fear, anxiety, suppression of their own intuition, frustration from not standing in their power, etc. This will not lead anyone to victory. It will essentially drain you, age you and fog your clarity.

Learn to embody the true alchemy of what it takes to be a “Goddess Warrior”.

January 6, 2013

“Chai Wallah Thought” (Disapproval)

Straight from Rishikesh, India.

Chai Wallah Thought of the day:

Disapproval

So many of us share the vision and inspiration to bring peace to this world. We perform many different devotional practices daily to attain and embody this inward peace so it emanates from within us and radiates outward. We devote ourselves to God so we are a mirror reflecting to everyone around us that each one us is a vision of our creator. Triggering the memory within us to remind each other that we all come from the same place, are the same and are a unique expression of the same.
I ask, “Why do we spend so much time in disapproval of one another?”; “Why do we think we know what is best for another soul?”; “Why do we project our fears, insecurities, judgements, ignorance on the other?”; “Why do we not trust each other and create jealousy, anger, resentment, fear and negativity?”; “What would it be like to see each other as God, in our highest self and trust that the other is all knowing?”. I ask but do not wish to linger in the knowing of the how or the why. I wish to absorp myself in the actions, listening, deeply observing another, connecting in depth, having a shared experience, finding compassion, being universally friendly, strength, happiness, being of service without an agenda, honoring another, devoting myself to supreme being and allowing myself to experience what it must be like to be another human being. Wishing for all to go beyond the self and their petty, pathetic needs while learning to deeply honor another human being and always find the love. Truly seeing the expression of God in all and trusting the process of life.

December 4, 2012

“Coffee Shop Thoughts” (Being A Mother)

Being a Mother

Life has so much more meaning when you become a mother and everything else seems so silly after you usher through that transition phase. There is a point though when each mother feels the need to step into her own separate self from her children and live her soul journey with complete fulfillment. Most mothers completely surrender themselves for their children’s journey’s for so long that they neglect their spirit and forget how to interact with the world. The timing is different for every mother of reclaiming her individuality. It is so important for the feminine collective consciousness that we all at some point embrace our souls purpose for this lifetime. Our children will benefit from the example of it. This new generation deserves to have powerful, purposeful, fearless mothers who contribute to the world beyond the gift of motherhood. The feminine energy needs to rise in the collective and us women can ALL play an active part in transforming and bringing more balance and peace to our world.

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November 14, 2012

“A Cry for Freedom and a Heart that Swelled” (Installment 2)

The Arrival

I opened my eyes from my jet-lagged black out still seated in the passenger seat of the highly orchestrated weaving van moving along the roads of India. I was really here. I had truly plunged and taken my leap of faith. The net did catch me cause I was riding through the zig zagging forest road that was leading us through the hillside of Rishikesh. Again, I witnessed my sense of ease and feeling of being at home. This triggered the child inside of me and happiness revealed itself through a smile.

Our approach to Sattva Center was coming soon and the joy of seeing Anand as well as meeting our adventurous group was only minutes away. The last time I had seen Sattva was in its beginning stages where Anand, my husband and I had lunch under a tent by the streaming river because the structures had not been fully built.

It was lovely to pull up to a driveway that was beautifully gated. The doors opened allowing us through and down the hillside to the property of Sattva. It was even better than I had remembered while still being as magical and transcendent. We were immediately greeted with smiles and help. Anand was standing, kindly smiling and powerfully instructing his people at Sattva on the details of our arrival. A sense of being taken care was immediate. Each of the four us in the van stepped out. Mario, Ken, Aizhan and myself were ushered to our rooms and given time to settle in. One by one our group of the Four Sacred Peaks were streaming in.

I felt excited, energized, a little jet-lagged, happy, young and relieved that I had nothing to do except relax. I felt I could truly embrace my freedom and break through some barriers while being in this amazing environment. It is funny though, when we have moments of stepping into the new that we find ourselves slightly not knowing what to do next. I found myself jumping from one relaxing thought to the next. Do I unpack? Take a shower? Meditate? Lay down? Write? Read? So much freedom and no distraction. Again, bliss. I lost myself in the transcending state and awoke to a knock on my door. Hours had gone by. The group was waiting for everyone to gather, meet, greet and share our first meal together.

I couldn’t wait to connect with the fellow riders and learn about each one. Some of them I knew, though not deeply, and mostly I would be meeting everyone for the first time. I have always thrived off of the unknown, meeting new people and learning. It was beautiful to see all of their faces. We gathered in a circle, sat in our wicker chairs near the poolside and listened to Anand greet us all. He always has such grace, poise, wisdom and childlike joy to share.

There were eighteen of us including Anand seated in this circle. It was time to introduce ourselves, share a little something about who we were and why we came. I looked around at all the faces taking it in. I was slightly distracted by my excitement of actually being there. It was my first trip in four years that I had done alone and I was still reveling in the fact that I made this desire happen.

I listened and became fascinated by our eclectic group. It was becoming apparent to me how special we all were. We had come from all over the world and all walks of life. We were seeking the unknown and desiring profound spiritual experiences. I felt what made us most unique was we all seemed to be a bit of a black sheep in our own worlds and thrill seekers. I had never been with a group of people who possessed all of these same qualities. For the first time I was not the only one who had gone sky diving, snow boarding, down a zip line in the middle of a jungle, 4-wheeling in the jungles of Costa Rica, etc. I felt this experience was going to be unforgettable and fun.

At this point I had concluded we were a charismatic bunch of characters and this was my quick diagnoses:
Mario- an athlete, world traveler, a big heart, a lover, a giver, a seeker of Vedic knowledge, someone who loves an adventure, school of hard knocks and wants to experience everything like a child, the life of the party.
Ken- an intellect/scholar, a high achiever, a big heart, perceptive, funny, witty, a new seeker of spirituality, curious, grounded, happy, content.
Anna- my friend, a mother, a nurturer, an artist, a teacher, an entrepreneur, sensitive, huge heart, a giver, a healer, compassionate, a woman stepping into her power.
Elle- a strong woman, determined, goal oriented, established, bold, tough yet glamorous.
Mark- a strong man with a soft heart, lovable, genuine, seeking, a world traveler, a healer, a lover of knowledge.
Fred- the elder, eager, accomplished, established in years of experience and life, seeking a greater meaning, open.
Maria- innocent beauty, smart, free, deeply observant, artist, fearless, happy, grateful, joyful to be experiencing it all.
Adam- the student of life, the joker, the filmmaker, the visionary, the athlete, the boy, the performer, stepping into his own.
Katrina- beautiful smile, her eyes are the window to her soul, feminine, playful, digging deep, the silent observer, a girl yet a woman, breaking her way through old and new barriers.
Elana- sweet hearted, softness, feminine, princess, deeply caring, seeking, ready to love and be loved, eager to figure out her next step in life.
Alexis- the power of hair, sensitive, aware, beautiful smile, a seeker of wisdom and knowledge, a teacher, feminine, a healer and a lover.
Regina- a queen, soft heart, the feminine goddess, a healer, the master of style and quality, a sense of humor, deep, contagious laughter and a giggle of a child.
Aizhan- a woman, beauty, world traveler, wise, deep, seeking new experience and expansion, embracing the unknown willingly.
Jennifer- a mother, a lover, sensitive, quiet, taking it all in, courageous, seeking, a hidden shy beauty, an artist.
Jeff- the cool one, distant yet curious, fun, light hearted, sensitive, an artist, stylish, balanced, seeking clarity and answers with detachment.
Ryan- the outsider, silent observer, sensitive, a healer, curious, open, strong, kind heart, nurturer, humble, beautiful inside and out.
Kim- bold, powerful, loving, nurturing, masculine yet feminine, a lover, a teacher, wise, humble, observant, massively of service, intriguing.
Scott- filmmaker, soft heart, hard worker, divine, innocent, youthful, boyish, talented, driven, open, curious, stepping into manhood, a romantic, a lover.
Anand- a powerful born leader, wise beyond his years, full of joy, a risk taker, a black sheep, a visionary, bold, boyish, fun loving, playful, passionate, a destructor of irrelevancy (Shiva), dynamic, intelligent, divine, transcendent, a man of many faces, a true master forming in his youth.
Myself- a mother, a nurturer, feminine, athletic, a healer, a teacher, lover of wisdom/knowledge, a warrior/queen, an observer, bold, Kali, seeker of playfulness, a lover and on a mission to break through to the next level.

This was our group through my eyes and state of consciousness.

http://www.mysattva.com
http://www.thehighestpass.com
The Sequel: Four Peaks Of Freedom

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August 9, 2012

What the heck? Another blogsite?

For those of you who don’t know me, which is probably most, I thrive on doing things that are shocking. It’s one of the few character traits that has lasted. Mostly I like to shock myself and see how far I can go out of the box with no return while physically not alluding to this behavior. A paradox.

A little background information. I will make it brief so you understand where I am headed and why I would love for you to join my ride.

Almost four years (2008) I was living a completely different life than the one I am living now. I resided in LA, was dating but never serious, had my own fitness business, an acting agent, etc., but more importantly I had a profoundly spiritually guided year. It was all about expressing myself, doing the things I desired yet completely feared, turning inward, letting go and listening. I was focused and on a mission to change everything that was the ever repeating known in my life. I was obsessed with testing the principle of “intuition->action”(meaning information comes, not allowed to even think beyond first thought and go straight into movement), “divine will over human/ego will” (the difference between making a goal list of having an Oscar, million bucks, killer career, house in Malibu, a soulmate and knowing your timing in the universe while fully taking your instructions) and faith (basically saying, “F*#% it, I am doing this!” fearlessly). Mind you I had a very strong meditation practice that I had established for a couple years prior as well as yoga and hiking. I was aligning with the highest self.

With that said it landed me into a life that was far from the one I was creating in my head. Divine will is a funny thing cause it’s NOTHING that the human/ego will is trying to manifest. Perhaps that comes later when you become more in tune with it all? Perhaps you actually start realizing that everything is already manifested and you are just becoming conscious of it? That is what I believe at this stage in my life. You are constantly evolving into a higher state of consciousness thus becoming more aware of what is always been right there in front of you. All we can do in the moment is basically report on our own state of consciousness.

I digress. Moving forward. My turning of events or as some astrologers told me my Saturn returning is actually quite fascinating when I tell in detail but today I will spare you. In November of 2008 my whole life changed. I all of a sudden found a man that didn’t bore me after 3 wks, moved to Flagstaff, Az (What?), conceived a child (that I had be divinely guide to/another story), acquired four step children, shut my business down, left my acting agency, put all my stuff in storage (which is still there), the lease on my car ended, etc. You get the point. My life changed dramatically and shockingly to those who loved/cared about me. I am pretty sure they thought I went insane. Little did they know the unbelievable spiritual experiences of knowingness I was having. Although I must confess my ego thought I had definitely gone coo, coo.

I had to learn quick but really I was polishing my adaptation skills and the universe was saying, “You asked for this. You said you’d give up your human will for divine will.” My new environment was as foreign as you could possibly get. I was a mother to 5! I had just turned 30 and lived by myself for over a decade. Oddly enough I applied everything I ever learned from being a athlete and working with clients to help me adjust as well as meditating religiously twice a day.

That first year I spent in a lot of silence and observation while I watched my body expand in ways I never ever wanted to imagine. I was a fitness professional. We fear anything that is not a muscle. My days of working out were turning into a faint idea and the ever repeating known had now become the absolute unknown.

My first trip pregnant was to India. Not sure what I was thinking? Remember, “intuition->action”, oh yeah, I was not thinking. I was in the flow and all I could do was witness. India is a powerful place of bringing the past into the now and obviously supporting enlightenment. So, I shut up and observed.

I gave birth to my beautiful son (August 28, 2009). That was it for me. He became the center of my universe. This amazing soul chose me to be his mother and what an honor it has been. I jumped into the deep end of domestic life.

I have traveled the world with my son, my husband and family. I have taken on a new identity and let go of all that I know. I surrendered.

Now 2012. New is ringing in my ears. Independence is shining its light on me. An inner voice has instructed me that it time to move forward and expand. It is time for my son to know me as something more than his mommy. It is important that I lead him by example and show him what is possible. It’s time.

I am off to India in four weeks. This will be my third time going. The first was with child in womb, second was with child and third is for me. An epic journey waits ahead for me. I am being ushered into a phase transition. The beautiful unknown.

I will be flying into New Delhi, meeting a group of fourteen people that will be lead by my friend, Anand Mehrotra, who is a true Indian master into the Himalayas on motorcycles. We are headed to four sacred peaks all being in altitude higher than 13,000 ft. One reaching 17,000 ft. Amazing.

Who knows the breakthroughs I will experience or how my pilgrimage will transpire? It is the freedom that I desire. The beauty. Embracing the fear and transcending it. Facing myself.

The journey started the moment I said, “Yes”. There is the pre-trip experience to be had while living your everyday life. This adventure has launched me back into the fitness realm. I am altitude training and whatever else becomes relevant. This is the purpose of this blog. It is my intention to document my experience, transformation, thoughts, pictures, etc. Really with no format. I am following charm.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Blessings and love,

T.R. Knoles

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TR KNOLES

Tag: Spirituality

July 17, 2013

A Goddess Warrior